A little sanity

My baby turns 8 months tomorrow. I feel like I am just coming out of a deep fog just in the last few days. I don't really want to write it in the blog because I don't want to jinx it but my baby slept for the most he ever has yesterday. He actually took 2 long naps. It really made me realize how parents who have kids who sleep have a completely different experience from those who have kids who don't sleep. I have never been so out of my mind with exhaustion. My husband and I have basically never fought until sleep deprivation entered. We were teetering at moments. It was sad and unbelievable. I had no energy for myself or for others. And I am not saying that 2 days of better sleep made that all okay, but I want to remember and recognize the challenge that it was.  8 months of practically no sleep. With a little more sleep, I feel like I can be a better wife and mom. There have been 2 nights recently where I basically didn't sleep, one night bc of my husband's insomnia and the other because of my own. The whole night I probably got may be 2-3 hours of patchworked sleep but the sad thing is that I didn't feel any different the next day. My body and mind are so used to this new state of exhaustion, well new as in 8 months old. Sleep is just so important.

I have been doing the single mamahood thing while my husband is away on business and it's certainly been a challenge. The first 2 weeks away my baby decided to get up at 4am everyday-brutal. And then his naps were only 35 mins long so I could never catch up on my own sleep. It was hard to take care of him, the house, the dog, all on my own. But I am so grateful that my husband is behind the scenes doing stuff we need to get done and that he is also returning soon. My mom was a single mom and although my dad passed when we were a bit older, I am amazed at all she did. I didn't need to become a mom myself to realize how awesome she was and all she did for us. I knew it everyday.

It's nearly unfathomable how much love you have for your baby. I actually tell him that I think he got cuter from the time he went to bed until the time he woke up. I am so glad this experience is part of my story. This love is part of me.