As you grow older you naturally live a number of lives or wear a number of hats, so to speak. You are most likely first a daughter/son to your parents. And, if you lucky, you're also a sister. You are also a granddaughter, niece, cousin and other familial titles you may obtain. Then you become a friend. A student. Aa athlete/nerd/jock--whatever your school defined you as. A girlfriend. An employee. A boss, may be even. An activist. A singer. A writer. The labels and lives you lead are countless.
When you become a parent those lives that you lead before parenthood get all shaken up. Mostly, before I was a mama, I thought of myself in just a few ways. First, a wife. A sister. A friend. A passionate public health employee. A runner. Not very glamorous but if I am really honest with myself those are the titles I would really own. And I would try to add traveler in there.
When you have a baby this gets all mixed up-especially the wife role. My husband and I have always spent a lot of time together. We're lucky enough to work flexible jobs where we work odd weekends, nights, etc and possibly have some days free then. We enjoy spending time together, always have. It gets really complicated when as the primary care giver, which is me in this case, needs a break from it all. And certainly a break from the baby once in awhile. When you carry the label expat, this may be kind of hard. We can't just ask grandma to come and watch the kid for an hour while you go for a walk, sleep, head out to a cafe. So then I have to ask my husband to do it. The thing is, I like my husband and would want to be doing said activity with him. Thus this usual means that I end up doing whatever activity with baby and husband and thus not really getting a break. We need to adjust, we'll have to divide and conquer to save my sanity. But it does sadden me.
My energy is poured into my babe so I find it hard to connect with some friends. I call my family most weeks. I try to make time for walks, may be not runs, so I am more of a walker now. And I am even trying to maintain a public health hat. It's kind of exhausting.
How do you find the balance between old lives and new? I've always felt a big disconnect between all parts of my life, like I could put each into a little compartment. I think this is because there is very little continuity in my life. Until my husband, of course. But before then I lived in numerous places, doing various jobs and hanging out with all different people. I actually find it a bit sad sometimes. Yes, it's very adventurous and even may be even kind of sexy to live a life where you move every few years and have friends all over the world (I wouldnt trade the world wide friends part) but it's hard to remember it all. And now it's even harder because this life is challenging with a kid in tow. How do we now see those worldwide friends? Who is here in the now to help us in the hard time? And enjoy this with us?
My husband and I always long to live somewhere to sink roots in. We hoped Montreal would be that place. With all the French politics, I am not so sure. But it certainly does have potential. If you live an expat lifestyle, you may think the way I do and be overwhelmed by it all. Or perhaps you embrace the unknown, adventure side of it all of the time. But no matter, if you're a parent, you are certainly experiencing a serious adjustment to your hat collection, your labels and your multitude of lives. Hopefully, we come all out as an awesome parent, a good human being and a loving wife.
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