Wednesday, April 17, 2013

5 is fun

So some of my posts, especially as of late, have been a bit down. But I wanted to be sure to say that there is so much lovely stuff too! Our babe is 5.5 months and it's just so much fun. He absolutely loves to grab things--he'll see something a good distance away and want to grab it. And he loves to grab in a crawl like position (you can imagine crawling happening any day!), possibly because he's tummy time champion of the East. Our way of saying that he just loves hanging out on his tummy. He also loves to sit. He loves to put everything in his mouth, including his feet in his mouth and even suck on his toe right before his bath. He loves to put his hands out for his dog to lick. He loves to kick and kicks almost all of the water out of his little tub. He just started rolling by himself. He loves to coo and talk and even does so on the boob. He is really smiley and lights up when he sees his papa. It's as though you can watch him change every day. It's amazing! 5 months is fun!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

living and adjusting to your new and many lives

As you grow older you naturally live a number of lives or wear a number of hats, so to speak. You are most likely first a daughter/son to your parents. And, if you lucky, you're also a sister. You are also a granddaughter, niece, cousin and other familial titles you may obtain. Then you become a friend. A student. Aa athlete/nerd/jock--whatever your school defined you as. A girlfriend. An employee. A boss, may be even. An activist. A singer. A writer. The labels and lives you lead are countless.

When you become a parent those lives that you lead before parenthood get all shaken up. Mostly, before I was a mama, I thought of myself in just a few ways. First, a wife. A sister. A friend. A passionate public health employee. A runner. Not very glamorous but if I am really honest with myself those are the titles I would really own. And I would try to add traveler in there.

When you have a baby this gets all mixed up-especially the wife role. My husband and I have always spent a lot of time together. We're lucky enough to work flexible jobs where we work odd weekends, nights, etc and possibly have some days free then. We enjoy spending time together, always have. It gets really complicated when as the primary care giver, which is me in this case, needs a break from it all. And certainly a break from the baby once in awhile. When you carry the label expat, this may be kind of hard. We can't just ask grandma to come and watch the kid for an hour while you go for a walk, sleep, head out to a cafe. So then I have to ask my husband to do it. The thing is, I like my husband and would want to be doing said activity with him. Thus this usual means that I end up doing whatever activity with baby and husband and thus not really getting a break. We need to adjust, we'll have to divide and conquer to save my sanity. But it does sadden me.

My energy is poured into my babe so I find it hard to connect with some friends. I call my family most weeks. I try to make time for walks, may be not runs, so I am more of a walker now. And I am even trying to maintain a public health hat. It's kind of exhausting.

How do you find the balance between old lives and new? I've always felt a big disconnect between all parts of my life, like I could put each into a little compartment. I think this is because there is very little continuity in my life. Until my husband, of course. But before then I lived in numerous places, doing various jobs and hanging out with all different people. I actually find it a bit sad sometimes. Yes, it's very adventurous and even may be even kind of sexy to live a life where you move every few years and have friends all over the world (I wouldnt trade the world wide friends part) but it's hard to remember it all. And now it's even harder because this life is challenging with a kid in tow. How do we now see those worldwide friends? Who is here in the now to help us in the hard time? And enjoy this with us?

My husband and I always long to live somewhere to sink roots in. We hoped Montreal would be that place. With all the French politics, I am not so sure. But it certainly does have potential. If you live an expat lifestyle, you may think the way I do and be overwhelmed by it all. Or perhaps you embrace the unknown, adventure side of it all of the time. But no matter, if you're a parent, you are certainly experiencing a serious adjustment to your hat collection, your labels and your multitude of lives. Hopefully, we come all out as an awesome parent, a good human being and a loving wife.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Getting a credit card in Canada

My husband and I stumbled on dumb luck for a credit card in Canada. We heard all of the stories where you had to pay the bank the amount of money that you wanted for your credit line. So if you wanted $1000 for your credit card, you had to pay the bank $1000. It's understandable why they do this--so Americans can't just drive across the border, open a credit card account, go on a spending spree and then leave!

So here's our tip:
While you're in America, open up an American Express account. We happened to have one because we use it for air miles. Then, once your here become a Costco member. It turns out that these 2 factors turn into a perfect equation because Costco members can open an American Express credit card account. I am not saying you'll be approved (that depends on your own credit history) but American Express is one of the only companies (that we've found) that will transfer your credit history to get a Canadian credit card (called AmEx Global Transfer).  Haven't left America yet? Get American Express now and make your life easier!  It's like the gateway credit card. Otherwise you'll be stuck with your bank card here and you won't be able to buy anything on-line and you won't earn miles or, in this case, Costco points for spending.

Now the catch is that American Express isn't taken everywhere but most big stores take it. And then once you've been here awhile, you'll have some credit and can apply for a Visa/Mastercard that are accepted more places.

You're not cheating the system at all, just being smart:) Happy (credit card) spending!

This is how Quebec welcomed us




Quebec’s War on English: Language Politics Intensify in Canadian Province


ROGERIO BARBOSA / AFP / GETTY IMAGES
Parti Quebecois leader Pauline Marois addresses supporters in Montreal on Sept. 4, 2012. One person was killed and another seriously wounded when a gunman opened fire during her speech.

To live in Quebec is to become accustomed to daily reminders that French in the Canadian province is the most regulated language in the world. Try, as I did recently, to shop at Anthropologie online and you’ll come up empty-handed. The retail chain (which bears a French name) opened its first Montreal boutique in October, but “due to the Charter of the French Language” has had its site shut down: “We hope you’ll visit us in store!” Montreal’s transit authority maintains that under the present language law, its ticket takers must operate in French, which lately has spurred complaints from passengers. Last year, the city of Montreal erected 60 English safety signs nearby Anglophone schools in an effort to slow passing vehicles. The Quebec Board of the French Language and its squad of inspectors ordered that they be taken down; a snowy drive through town revealed that all had been replaced by French notices.
Since the Parti Québécois (PQ), which calls for national sovereignty for Quebec, won a minority government in September, the reminders have become increasingly less subtle. In February, a language inspector cited the swank supper club Buonanotte, which occupies a stretch of St. Laurent Boulevard, Montreal’s cultural and commercial artery, for using Italian words like pasta on its otherwise French menu. The ensuing scandal, which has come to be known as “pastagate,” took social media by storm. “These are problems we had in the 1980s,” says restaurant owner Massimo Lecas. “They were over and done with; we could finally concentrate on the economy and fixing potholes. And then this new government brought them all back. These issues might never go away now, and that is a scary sort of future.”
It’s true: despite the nuisances and controversies generated by Bill 101, Quebec’s 1977 Charter of the French Language, the province had settled in the past years into a kind of linguistic peace. But tensions have mounted considerably since the separatist PQ returned to the fore. In the wake of pastagate, the language board allowed that its requests were maybe overzealous; the head of the organization resigned. And yet the PQ has prepared for the passage of Bill 14, a massive and massively controversial revision to Bill 101. The bill’s 155 proposed amendments go further than any previous measures have to legislate the use of French in Quebec. Most English speakers see the changes as having been designed to run them right out of the province.
“Definitely non-Francophone kids who are graduating are leaving,” says restaurateur Lecas. “If you don’t have a mortgage yet, if you’re not married yet, if you don’t own a business yet, it’s like, ‘I’m so outta here.’ But leaving is not the solution because when you leave, they win.” In a poll conducted by the research company EKOS in January, 42% of the Anglophones surveyed said they’ve considered quitting Quebec since the PQ was elected.
If Bill 14 passes, military families living in Quebec but liable to be relocated at any time will no longer be permitted to send their children to English-language schools. Municipalities whose Anglophone inhabitants make up less than 50% of their populations will lose their bilingual status, meaning, among other things, that residents won’t be able to access government documents in English. For the first time, companies with 25 to 49 workers will be required to conduct all business in French, a process set to cost medium-size businesses $23 million. French speakers interested in attending English-language colleges will take a backseat to Anglophone applicants. The language inspectors will be able to instantly search and seize potentially transgressive records, files, books and accounts, where currently they can only “request” documents that they believe aren’t in accordance with the law. And no longer will they grant a compliance period. As soon as a person or business is suspected of an offense, “appropriate penal proceedings may be instituted.”
Jamie Rosenbluth of JR Bike Rental is among the business owners who’ve had run-ins with the ever more bold language board, which already has the authority to impose fines and, in extreme cases, shut enterprises down. A month ago, an inspector asked him to translate the Spanish novelty posters that paper his shop and increase the size of the French writing on his bilingual pricing list by 30%. Says Rosenbluth: “I told her, ‘You want me to make the French words 30% bigger? O.K., how about I charge French-speaking people 30% more?’ It is so silly. Are they 30% better than me? Are they 30% smarter than me?” Since the encounter, he has covered the offending posters with placards of his own that say, in French, “Warning: Non-French sign below. Read at your own discretion.”
The PQ is trying to reassure its separatist base of its seriousness as a defender of Quebecois identity. To pass Bill 14, it will need the support of at least one of the province’s two primary opposition parties. In other words, if the bill doesn’t succeed, Premier Pauline Marois of the PQ will be able to hold the opposition accountable and remain a hero to the hard-liners. The PQ knows that, in its present incarnation, it will never drastically expand its core of support, but it can galvanize its troops. Some of those supporters rallied together in Montreal last month to protest “institutional bilingualism” and champion the bill. Cheers and applause resounded when journalist Pierre Dubuc called out: “If someone can’t ask for a metro ticket in French, let them walk.”
Public hearings on Bill 14 began in early March at the National Assembly in Quebec City and are ongoing. “I can tell you that if someone came to Côte-St.-Luc to tell us we would lose our bilingual status, you will have chaos, you will have opposition of people you wouldn’t think of who will take to the streets,” testified Anthony Housefather, mayor of the municipality of Côte-St.-Luc, on the first day. “People are scared, people are very scared.” By the time Quebec’s largest Anglophone school board, Lester B. Pearson, came forward on March 19, it had already collected 32,000 signatures on a petition against the bill. “There are many ways of protecting French, and coercion isn’t one of them,” says Simo Kruyt, a member of the board’s central parent committee. “Fourteen of our schools have closed over the past seven years. We are getting fed up. We are getting tired of having to fight to be who we are. English is the language of commerce and we parents believe we are part of a world that’s larger than Quebec.”
It’s hard yet to say if the bill will make it through. The opposition Liberals have flat-out refused to support the legislation. The Coalition Avenir Québec, which holds the balance, has said that it might — if certain of the more controversial measures are “improved.” In fact, the Coalition has only come out against four sections of Bill 14, and these don’t include the provisions that would give the dreaded language inspectors new and extraordinary powers. In the face of such antagonism, it’s no wonder some are leaving. Kruyt’s eldest son, a bilingual 27-year-old engineer, is preparing to relocate to Ottawa, the Canadian capital that sits near Quebec’s western border. Says Kruyt: “There, they’ll appreciate his French and won’t hammer him because of his English.”



Read more: http://world.time.com/2013/04/08/quebecs-war-on-english-language-politics-intensify-in-canadian-province/#ixzz2QAdtHqmu

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

ohmigod: I look like the dead.

My labor and delivery was pretty long--somewhere over 36 hours. But it all went smooth until just after my baby was born and rushed off to the NICU. He was in the hospital for 12 days. I never felt so exhausted in my entire life. We had just moved to Montreal and barely knew a soul. We were spending very long days at the hospital, coming home for dinner and sleep and then would do it all over again. I would pump at home and produce no milk. I would pump at the hospital and get just a little. It was sad, hard, overwhelming.  My husband describes it as thinking of the most stressful time of your life (a job, final exams, sickness of a relative) and never getting a break from it. And then bringing home a new baby. Woof!
I haven't had more than 5 hours of sleep a night in almost 6 months. And 5 hours is a high estimate. I am always on high alert and hear every sound my baby makes, as most moms probably do. I kind of feel like I never really sleep. Sleep was hard the first 3 months and we were also adjusting as new parents. Month 4 sleep was even harder. My baby wanted to boob from 1am-6am most days and I couldn't sleep like that even when lying down. I would go in and out of bad sleep. I would look at myself and the bags under my eyes--ugh!
And then we started teaching to sleep and the sleep hasn't gotten better for me. It's gotten much better for my baby though, which is what matters. I get up 3 times a night to dream feed bc my babe is a wee guy. That's not the problem. The problem is that I hate this sleep training. It's been 9 nights and I'd say only 3 have them have been really good. A handful okay with just an hour of crying. And a handful with lots of crying. The crying is what gets me. I feel like an awful parent. I actually feel kind of like a werewolf transforming when he cries--it's like a I get a tick that won't stop. I can't handle it. It's in my genetic make up as a mama, I suppose. And it's just who I am. I tell my husband that I can never do this again and I don't know if I could have kid #2 because of it. I am a sissy and parenting is not for sissies. It's so hard for me to relax afterwards so that also affects my sleep. I wake up with every tiny cry and sigh out, I am on hyper alert. But my husband swears it's for the best. And I do think it has helped our baby sleep. I am not sure I would recommend it to other parents. Most say 'It takes 3 nights.' I am here to say that is not the case with our baby. it's hard. I'll let you know if it ever pays off. And I will continue to look like a puffy eyed zombie. No wonder women can't loose those pregnant pounds.  I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Wow, sleep is important for all.

Monday, April 1, 2013

Parenting: not for sissies. Teaching to sleep

After talking to many parents and friends, we decided we really needed to help our baby sleep better. He was having a hard time at night but when the naps in the stroller and carrier even got bad, we knew we needed to do something. This post follows the first 3 days of our sleep teaching (aka sleep training and some CIO method). Almost all of the parents we know, with a few exceptions, have used this method and recommend it. We understand there are a million different approaches. There are pros and cons to every approach. But my husband and I decided to use the Sleep Easy method so that our baby can sleep better, be happier and grow. And so we can be better, more rested parents.

Tips for sleep teaching:
-Use a stop watch because the minutes feel like eternities when you watch the clock. When you can see the seconds move, it seems better somehow.
-Have something to do to distract you a bit, like laundry to fold.
-Best to have some meals prepared or easy ones to make, kind of like when the babe first came home, because you don't feel like making an elaborate meal.
-Have a friend to email or call so you can report progress and get support. I've emailed my good friend and my brother.
-if you are dream feeding, I found the use of a smart phone to be helpful because I could set 3 different alarms at one time, instead of having to change the alarm during the night

Night 1:
We prepped our baby's room to make it dark with white noise and nothing in or around the crib to stimulate him. We did our usual bedtime routine (bath, book, boob, bottle with a little lullabye as we put him down) and put him in his own crib in his own room for the first time. We have our station all ready to record the crying and the check ins. We have decadent ice cream in the freezer.  25 minutes of babbling and the baby may have just fell asleep (don't want to write it to jinx it!). But we'll see how the night goes! Stay tuned...

The night went okay. Our babe woke up 3 or 4 times. The crying was really hard. He definitely woke up with a sleep cycle. Which his lack of being able to go through a sleep cycle is what brought us here, teaching him. He would often wake up just before I was going in to dream feed him. I would then have to wait until he stopped crying and was sleeping for 15 mins. Then I would go in. The crying made my heart bleed. I told my husband at one point that it was almost harder than the birth! He woke up at 5am and didn't fall back asleep from then. We didn't know if it was okay to go in when we was crying to pick him up (youre just supposed to sooth him verbally), but because the book said you could do this for naps, we decided it was okay for sleep.

Day 1:
We are working on napping today. It's supposed to be even harder than the night sleep. Shockingly, our boy has done pretty well. He fell asleep for all 3 naps. The last half of the  first one he cried. The second one he slept an hour and 45 mins. Now when I say cry, I actually mean cry, then babble, then coo, then cry. Because you could tell he was soothing in some way, we didn't go in to check on him often because it was obvious he was getting the hang of it.

Night 2:
Our babe cried for about 28 mins with a check in before falling asleep. He almost slept the entire night through! He had 3 cry outs but they only lasted about a minute (9pm, 12, 3), with the 3 o'clock one being a tiny bit longer. I went in to dream feed 3 times. He squawked a tiny bit at 534am and then at 6am we heard him cooing--11 hours after bedtime so we went in to praise him. He did so well and we felt so much more rested. I don't even feel like I need a nap today, whereas yesterday and most days I've felt like a complete brain dead zombie.


Day 2:
If my husband wasn't here, I would certainly go in to check on the baby more often and may be even cave in. It is so hard to hear your baby cry. I have said multiple times that it's worse than child birth-it's easier to deal with your own pain, rather than someone else's, especially your baby's. Our babe cried for about 20 mins for the first nap today and then fell asleep. it is so hard to have him cry but he does just seem so much more well rested and chipper. He was a happy baby before but he seems like he can sustain and play longer now. We are dotting on him all day long. Playing and almost never putting him down. Naps were bad all day. I lost all stamina to handle the crying. It was basically 30 mins of sleep and 30 mins of crying for each nap. And a very tired but sweet baby at the end of the day.

Night 3:
We put our babe down at 7pm and a cry of 10 secs, then sleep. We'll see how the rest of the night goes. The night was horrible. I woke up at 1230 to feed our baby. As I was using the bathroom-he woke up! you can't go in to feed him when he cries bc it sends mixed signals. Seriously, if he could've held out for 2 mins! Sadly, so sadly, like so hard to endure sadly, he cried for an hour and a half! He calmed for 8 mins many times, but couldn't quite get there. So after the third or fourth time he was calming for his 8 mins, I went in. Instead of waiting 10-15 mins like the book said. It's hard to time his feeds-I feel like they influence his sleep cycles so it doesn't matter if we shift him.

So glad that I am not working right now in an office. I couldn't imagine having him cry at night and then rushing him off to day care. I just want to snuggle and play with him all day.

Day 3:
I will finish this post out by writing about our naps today and then I'll stop the woes and wonders that is sleep training. I wish all parents luck in their sleep endeavors!

First nap: lots and lots of crying. We checked in on him every 15 mins, my husband did because we're afraid mama coming in will equate to eating. We could barely handle it. I wrote an email to my friend asking how she could possibly cope! And just as we were getting ready to go in an praise him and a good try for sleeping--he fell asleep 3 minutes before the hour!

Nap 2: He went down 2.5 hours after he awoke but his whole nap schedule was off since he cried in the night. He woke up an hour later than usual--with a time frame of 12 hours at night, instead of 11. but still staying within the book suggestions to let him sleep for 12 hours. he fell asleep 8-10 mins in. and then 20 mins later a little cough woke him up:( he cried the rest of the nap time hour. naps are hard!

nap 3: we did this nap early about 1.5 hours after the last nap, since it was so bad and it was getting late in the day. he feel asleep after 10 mins. we let him sleep and then got him up so it wasn't too close to his bed time.

and so goes the tales of our nap and sleep woes. i doubt this post encourages anyone to do this. but at least it's an honest reflection of what you're experience may be like. we may have a particularly bullheaded kid, like his parents, and perhaps you'll have an easier sleeper. but don't count on it. welcome to this side of parenthood-one we never thought about and you probably never did too!

post script: night 4 slept through the night without a peep:)